I’m not a spring chicken anymore, but it seems like yesterday I was just a teenager getting married. Now I’m learning a lot from these fierce Millennial young adults. If you are willing to listen, they have a lot to say. Living inspired by young adults … what millennials taught me.
Several years ago, our oldest son was attending Liberty University, the largest Christian university in the country. He called us one day and told us we should move to the area and start a college ministry. We asked why he would say such a thing, being in such a spiritually rich environment, and he said “You wouldn’t believe how many people don’t follow Jesus.”
This conversation took place at a good time … the last of our kids had just graduated from high school (home schooled) and we were done with the cold weather of the north. God clearly was on board with this endeavor as we sold our house in 30 days – no realtors.
We moved into our new home in a new location in August and started our college ministry in September. I’ll go into all the details of how we did ministry in another post, but these amazing kids taught us A LOT over the next 6 years. We poured our lives into young adults who were at a very tender age … they’re living independent from their parents, so now what?
what do i believe?
Many kids (I call them kids only because they are a lot younger than me, but of course they are adults) who were at Liberty were coming from Christian homes. Many were not. I think most people at this age are trying to figure out what THEY believe. Sure their parents may be Christians and brought them up in a Christian environment, but they’re soul searching to see if these things they have been taught are things THEY truly believe, or are they just repeating what their parents told them. This is a positive thing … the Christian faith needs to be personal and in YOUR heart, not just some religious thought process.
Many kids were not allowed to ask hard, controversial questions in their homes or church environments. They would be frowned upon for doubting anything, and questions = doubt in some churches. But questions bring answers and truth, which is necessary in forming a worldview. If you are a parent of young adults, never squelch your child from asking whatever they want. Don’t candy coat the answer, or give them some of the answer, or skirt around the answer. They’re pretty smart and can see right through that.
Are you a hypocrite?
So many young adults told us that their parents basically said “Do as I say, not as I do.” This is very damaging to your child. If you are wondering why your child is not following Jesus, this is one of the first places you should look … in the mirror. Kids are very observant, at any age. They pay attention to EVERYTHING, even when you think they are not. If you are doing devotions with them, or praying with them, or taking them to church, yet your lives look opposite of what they are hearing, they will resent Christianity.
Many young adults told us they aren’t sure if following Jesus is something they are interested in because their parents were hypocrites, so why bother. They couldn’t go talk to their parents about how they felt because they didn’t want to be disrespectful and they didn’t think their parents would be honest. That’s when kids go start exploring other religions, or don’t want any religion.
are you controlling?
We’ve helped dozens of couples with pre marital counseling (read more about that here). Oh, how we love to meet young couples madly in love wanting to start their relationship off right. You may be surprised that one of the top 2 issues with couples was parents – controlling ones. Parents of young adults still think they are parenting children. I think some of this is unintentional and you have no idea you are being that way. I’m here to wake you up if you are.
Mothers are especially at fault here. I get it … you spend 18 years + raising your babies pouring into them and then you’re supposed to let them go? YES … another resounding YES! Moms especially can’t release their sons to another woman. I cannot tell you how many men were sitting on our couch telling us stories of how their moms won’t let them be men and how many moms hated their soon to be wives. I personally experienced this (that could be a whole blog post in itself!). We had to tell them it was ok to put boundaries up for their mothers so they could live peacefully with their wives. We explained the difference between respecting your parents and obeying them – never disrespect your parents, but you no longer have to obey them (when you are not living under their roof).
If you have raised responsible kids, they make responsible adults. Trust that you did a good job. Trust that they will make good decisions, and if they don’t, they can learn from their mistakes. Holding onto your adult children and treating them like kids damages your relationship. Women want to marry strong, independent men, not momma’s boys. Men want to marry women who respect their wishes more than their moms. Controlling your adult children makes their lives much more difficult. You don’t want that.
adult kids make great friends
Parents of adult children, are you expecting your adult children to obey you? Stop this please! You are pushing them away, and if you continue, you will lose them. I know sometimes you give advice, and expect it to be taken. Don’t. I know you care about your children and want the best for them, which is why you still try to control them. Don’t. You finally can be friends with your kids! All those years you raised them, trained them, guided them … now you can sit back and enjoy them! Don’t worry – they will come to you if they need something, if you have a good relationship. They don’t want you getting in their business, just like you don’t want people getting into yours.
they want good examples
I think we can all look back on our lives and agree that we want, deep down, to have friends and family that emulate what we ultimately want in life. We want good examples to follow. We want to know how to be a good husband, because we watched our dad treat our mom like a queen. We want to know how to be a good wife, because we watched our moms respect our dad and be his girlfriend. We want to know how to be a good dad, because our dad was present in our lives and not working all the time. We want to know how to be a good mom, because our mom was always guiding us and loving us even when we were unlovable.
Kids copy what they see, not what they hear. Jim and I have a pretty solid marriage and we’re pretty affectionate people. Many young adults have told us we are the first couple they have ever met who showed them what a good marriage looks like. That was a bit shocking to me. My parents were a great example of a good marriage, so luckily I knew what that looked like. My husband unfortunately didn’t have that experience. I’ve said this many times throughout this post, your kids are watching and learning from you. Give them a good example to live by. Many kids told us they hope their marriage someday doesn’t look like their parents. I know you don’t want that for your kids.
they value people who care
You may think young adults, the Millennial generation in particular, isn’t that interested in what others think or say. That has not been my experience. Along with wanting to ask a lot of tough questions regarding God and faith, they want to learn from the older generation and from our experiences. So many young women strongly desire mentorships and friendships with older women. Men too, with older men. While some of this generation may be the “selfie generation”, many genuinely want to be servants and selfless. They also want to learn how to do things … change a tire, cook dinner, learn how to take care of a home. That is one of the big reasons I’m writing this blog … to teach the next generation what my mother taught me. And they are eager to learn!!
why i love young adults
Hopefully you’ve learned some things about what’s going on in the heads of young adults. We feel so blessed that so many of them let us into their thoughts and lives. They are processing a lot as they move into independent living, thinking about their futures, thinking about marriage, thinking about what they believe, thinking about how THEY want to live since now they can choose. I love that they are developing personal relationships with Jesus, becoming missionaries, visionaries, fighters for justice. How money, in most cases, is not a driving force to their future, but how can they change the world. This is our next generation, who will raise the generation to follow. Show them by your actions how to be authentic followers of Jesus … and enjoy the fruit of your labor as you rest in their friendship.
KAYLA says
Thanks for being so kind and loving to us young adults (millennials)!! 🙂
jrnobilini says
❤ Thank YOU! ❤